Hi. My name is Goldilocks and I've been the victim of a bad rap all these years. Mothers always tell their children: "Don't be like Goldilocks. Don't be like Goldilocks." Well, I'd like you to hear my side of the story.
I did walk into the Bears' house when they weren't home. I readily admit that, but they had this fancy schmancy sign on the door that said "Welcome". I'm no fool. I know what that word means. Bears speak with forked tongues and then make a big fuss when somebody believes their sign.
And about that porridge. Porridge? (Shakes head, then nods on next line) Wallpaper paste with a few raisins in it. That stuff was awful! And notice they didn't like it either. They went off walking in the woods and left that sign as bait to help them get rid of it.
I did break a chair. One chair. One cheap little chair that wouldn't even make it in a yard sale! Besides, they could always glue it back together with some of the leftover porridge.
And then there were the beds. Beds they call them. Waterbeds with no water. No wonder those bears were always off walking in the woods, they were looking for a soft place to lay their heads and take a nap. So sue me, but get off my back!
Well, anyway, thanks for listening. I just wanted to set the record straight. When you grow up and read to your children, be kind to Goldilocks. Tell them I wasn't such a bad kid. It's all the media's fault.
Originally Published Scenes for High School Drama Students 1998