Female Monologues From Scenes for High School Drama Students

COMEDY | Fairy Godmother

Fairy Godmother

You'll excuse me for not doing the whole "appearing in a cloud of stardust" routine, but my back is killing me. Besides, stardust is expensive, and our budget just got cut. Whenever there are cutbacks in the Fairy Tale World, the magic department always feels it first. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a sudden outbreak of insomnia with all the way they butchered the Sandman's budget. 

Now I can't afford to buy a new wand. I have been waiting for months for that funding to come through. My old one has been in the shop twice in the past week. Of course, it's not because of cutbacks. It's an older model and that Cinderella character overloaded it! Boy, that girl really cracks my crystals! All I hear is whine, whine, whine. "I need a coach. I need footmen and a groom. I need a dress." And just when I think it's all over: "I need shoes." So I gave her those glass slippers and I hope she has to walk over some rocky terrain!

As if the annoying people at work weren't enough, I have to come home to my husband - The Fairy Godfather. Every time I ask him to run an errand for me, I get, "Someday I will call upon you to do a favour for me." If I have to hear that line one more time, I swear I'll scream! But I give it right back to him. Every time we have a fight I tell him he can "sleep with the fishes" because he ain't gettin' in my bed! 

Well, I better go. I have to get my wings detailed. I just have one request. Please write a letter to the Queen of Hearts, you know, the head honcho, and ask her to give us a little slack in the magic department. I speak not only for myself. The genies are running out of bottles.

Keena Lindsay

Originally published on Scenes for High School Drama Students