Loving You
I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure if I ever loved you. I know that I wanted to love you, I needed too. All of my life, all I've ever wanted is someone to love who loves me. I never felt complete. I felt like I needed someone to tell me that I was worth it- that I was worth all the trouble of loving, the heartache, the wanting, the waiting, the crying , the fighting. But now I know that I just tricked myself into thinking that you were mine, and that I was yours, and that we belonged to each other.
But I could never give my heart to you. Not my soul! Not my dreams and my hopes! I can't give those things to you. Because (pause), because, when I hold you, (tenderly) I'm always the first one to let go. And when we stare at each other, I'm always the one who becomes distracted with some minor detail else where than your face.
And when you tell me that you love me, I don't feel complete. I feel like I'm cheating you, out of real love. Don't you see, they were all right. We were wrong and they were right. And however much we don't want that to be true, it is.
But just before you go to sleep at night, and when you see a shooting star, and when you laugh, think of me, and how much I needed you all those years. How much I needed you to love me. And how much I needed to love you.
Amber Wardell
Originally published Scenes for High School Drama Students
1998